Heavy Metal Power

Fuckin’ Slayer.  I mean come on guys.  Wine?!

Slayer has put their name on a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon, calling it Reign In Blood Red.  Did you guys forget who the hell you are?  Remember… Show No Mercy, Hell Awaits, War Ensemble, Hallowed Point, etc.   Do these song titles bring to mind the complex unique wood flavors and strong fruit aroma of a freshly decanted glass of Cabernet Sauvignon?  Is this what you sip when blasting South of Heaven at max volume? Perhaps served with some exquisite sliced Brie?

Endorsing products by slapping your band name on them is a tacky proposition for any band.  I understand you gotta make a living, but let’s not forget you are artists and you have cultivated a certain image and attitude.  Wine is not part of that.  When Kerry King did the Jägermeister commercial I thought, well that makes sense, good fit.  But Slayer Wine?!  No.  It’s not as ridiculous as the Grave Digger shampoo that recently came out but still, it’s inappropriate and a bit silly.  Maybe Slayer need some advice on what type of products they can lend their name to that won’t seem so out of character with their legacy.  I’m here to help.

Suggested Slayer products

1. Slayer spiked dog collars
2. Slayer hunting knives
3. Slayer shotguns
4. Slayer brass knuckles
5. Slayer gauze pads
6. Slayer blood collection vials
7. Slayer claw hammers
8. Slayer radial arm saws
9. Slayer pepper spray
10. Slayer gravestones
11. Slayer crossbow bolts
12. Slayer nunchucks
13. Slayer heavy duty transport chain with clevis grab hooks
14. Slayer insect spray
15. Slayer rat traps
16. Slayer scythes
17. Slayer paper shredders
18. Slayer meat grinders
19. Slayer crane forks
20. Slayer vibro rippers
21. Slayer bow shackles
22. Slayer hydraulic crushers
23. Slayer melting furnaces
24. Slayer blow torches
25. Slayer demolition shears

I’m sure any of these fine product ideas would put money in Slayer’s pockets while maintaining their image as a vicious and aggressive thrash band that will give you a good pummeling.

Have metal musicians lost their fucking minds? What the hell does shampoo have to do with heavy metal? This has to be a joke right?

German power metal legends GRAVE DIGGER release their very own 2-in-1 shampoo / shower gel

Oh just what we’ve all been waiting for. Nothing says I’m a rebel; I’m a metal head; like a bottle of Grave Digger shampoo. We’ve got heavy metal wine, heavy metal hot sauce, heavy metal urns, and now heavy metal 2-in-1 shampoo / shower gel. Jump in the shower, throw up the horns and wash your hair like a true metal warrior.

Congratulations Grave Digger, you’ve come up with a product even Gene Simmons hasn’t thought of.

Back in 1996, Judas Priest recruited Tim Owens as their lead singer, replacing the irreplaceable Rob Halford. Owens was discovered because of his involvement in a Judas Priest tribute band. This was a novelty at the time, a tribute band singer now singing for the actual band he was in tribute of, and the story was co opted by Hollywood and turned into a mediocre movie, generically titled Rock Star.

For many Judas Priest fans this move was both sad and distasteful. Undoubtedly, this was the lowest point in band’s history, lower then even the blatant commercialism of the Turbo album. When you replace a member who was a major creative contributor and the lead singer, you no longer have the same band. And getting a guy who was in a Priest cover band makes the whole thing appear like a big pathetic joke.

It looks like Queesnsryche ignored this whole wretched affair in Judas Priest’s history because they are treading down the same comically tragic path. For years they have plodded on after being decimated by the departure of their main songwriter Chris DeGarmo. They haven’t produced a worthwhile album since he left. At least they could still put on a decent show though, certainly not at the level they once could, but still worthy. Now they are replacing lead singer Geoff Tate. Lead singers are hard enough to replace, but Tate, as Halford, was a main creative component of the band, not to mention one of heavy metal’s most iconic and influential singers. But there’s another component to this that makes it even more comical than Judas Priest’s tribute band singer replacement. Queensryche is replacing Geoff Tate with a singer who replaced a Tate clone in a Queesnryche clone band. A clone of a clone if you will. Or a clone once removed? Let me explain.

Todd LaTorre was (is?) the singer for Crimson Glory. He replaced their original singer Midnight and tries his darndest to sound like Midnight, basically a Midnight copy cat without the passion. Crimson Glory itself was a Queensryche clone band. When I first heard Crimson Glory’s Dragon Lady in 1986 I thought it was Queensryche. Not sounded like Queensryche, I thought it was Queensryche. Midnight was a dead ringer for Tate and their musical style was very, very similar. To their credit, Crimson Glory persevered and established a cult following. I like them; they are a good band with some great songs, just not very original. Actually extremely unoriginal, a clone.

And now the replacement singer of a clone singer is the singer for the band he was cloned from. That’s some funny shit.

Arch Matheos played this year’s Keep it True festival in Germany.  This must have been a monumental experience for all who attended. Here’s a fan video of Guardian.

And here is the Arch Matheos setlist from Keep it True:

Neurotically Wired
Midnight Serenade
The Sorceress
Stained Glass Sky
Damnation
The Apparition
Any Given Day/Strangers Like Me
Guardian
Encore:
Epitaph
Exodus

I cannot believe how great this setlist is. I wish i was there!!! They are doing another show in Connecticut. I wish i could go to that too!!!!

Iron Maiden’s “The Number of the Beast” was released way back in March 1982. That’s 30 years ago! “The Number of the Beast” is my favorite album. I have expressed that ad nauseum in my lengthy Number of the Beast review. Happy anniversary to you “The Number of the Beast”. I am so glad we met those thirty long years ago and we’ve remained close ever since. Cheers and here’s to another thirty! HAIL!

http://www.heavymetalpower.com/2009/03/the-pinnacle-of-heavy-metal/